Hi friend, this is Brooks’ mom, Leigh. I’d love to share his story with you from my perspective. Brooks David Griffin was born at 6:18 am on February 6th, 2021. I had a wonderful, easy complication-free pregnancy and his birth was just as seamless and easy. He was born in a few pushes and I felt a white light move through my body from my head to my toes as he was being born.

I was so happy when we got to the hospital on that snowy night. I went into labor at 10 pm and my parents rushed out to stay with Landon so we could get to the hospital. They got there as quickly as they could and thank goodness because my contractions progressed quickly. The same Dr. was on call that delivered my older son that night. She got my babies safely Earthside, and I felt the most incredibly peaceful feeling the moment I held Brooks in my arms. 

He was 7 pounds 4 ounces of pure joy. We called him our “angel baby” from day as there was no better way to describe him. He rarely cried – unless you tried to take his bottle out of his mouth. He was surrounded by our love and a big brother who just adored him. Brooks filled our lives with so much joy for every single one of the 103 days he was here. Each day was better than the last. Our family felt complete. For 148,320 minutes, we were in a bliss bubble. We were managing a lot as working parents while expanding our home for this new addition, but we felt happy and complete.

Brooks’ little laughs and sweet smiles brought an unbelievable sense of happiness to our lives and home. Landon loved snuggling his little brother, playing with him in his swing and cuddling up next to him on his boppy pillow. He was healthy and happy – what more could I want? As a mother, it brought me the most immense sense of purpose to see my boys together and to know that they would have each other through life’s ups and downs… or so I thought.  I took so many pictures and videos – every smile, every new day. I never imagined that they would be all I was left with. 

As Bryan & I went back to work, our beloved nanny took care of the boys during the work day. We both worked primarily from home.  She has cared for Landon since he was 8 weeks old and taught Bryan and I so much about caring for children as new parents to Landon. We were much more relaxed this time around and got Brooks onto a routine with eating and sleeping fairly quickly. He loved to eat. I often think, my gosh he would have loved food if ever got the chance to eat it, but he didn’t get that chance.

On May 20th 2021, I had to go to my office in Pennsylvania and Bryan was on calls from home. At 5:00 pm, as I was filling my car up with gas to make the 3 hour trip back, I got a phone call from a distressed Bryan. He said “I was on my way to pick up the boys and got a call that Brooks wasn’t breathing after the nanny went to wake him from his nap (which was in a safe sleep environment) and that he was going to Stony Brook University Hospital in an ambulance.” I went into shock. I think I immediately just went into some kind of denial and said, “he has to be ok, he has to be ok!” Bryan hung up and said please be safe and just get here. I went numb knowing that I had a very long drive ahead of me and my infant was in distress. Or so I thought.  

I drove in silence. I prayed. I begged God to please make my baby ok. I called Bryan every 15 minutes during that ride asking him what was going on, through tears, he said “they’re working on him Leigh”. I shouted into the phone through tears “but he’s going to be ok right? Promise me he will be ok?!” Little did I know, they had been working on Brooks for over an hour and they were not able to bring him back. Bryan was holding him, lifeless in his arms as he tried to tell me to just get there because they “were working on him”.  When I pulled into the hospital, I ran in with tears running down my face and I said “bring me to my baby”! They brought me to a small room and my body started to shake. Bryan walked in and I blurted out “Bryan, bring me to Brooks!” 

The next part is so hard to write because it viscerally feels like living through it all over again.  The world went blank and the next words I heard shattered my world, my heart and my existence as I knew it.  Bryan had to deliver the message and the words  “Leigh, our Brooks didn’t make it”. I can still feel the palpitations in my chest as fresh as the moments they were spoken. I fell to the ground. The world stopped. I let out primal noises that an animal makes. It felt like I was watching this happen from above my body. It’s hard to describe in words.  After what felt like an eternity of Bryan and I screaming, crying into Bryan’s arms, we went and held our Brooks for the last time. He was forever sleeping. 

His eyes were closed and he was wrapped in the hospital swaddle blankets just like the day he was born. These blankets are normally associated with the joy of having a new baby. Now, we were experiencing the opposite. The searing, scalding, soul shattering opposite. We were holding Brooks for the last time. 

After what felt like an eternity, we kissed his forehead that was growing cold and we left the hospital. We were numb. We could hardly breathe. We could not process what was happening as our world was falling out from under us. Brooks was gone. He was never coming home and we had no answers. We walked out of that hospital with nothing but a few pieces of paper and our son’s belongings. Life as we knew it was ending and we had no idea how to process what was happening or the monumental toll his loss would have on our lives.